5 Ways to Boost your Marriage
Marriages don’t just take care of themselves, sometimes they need something extra to make them work. When you’ve been married for a while it can feel like an eternity ago that you made those vows to each other. When you add in the stresses of life, kids, health and work it’s no wonder that sometimes your marriage feels like it needs a boost.
Ten couples in our church have just finished working through The Marriage Course. If you missed out, there are plenty of other things you can do to boost your marriage. Sandro & Lisa Cossa and Phil & Julie Bignill facilitated the course, and have offered some of their top tips below.
Like a hot coffee on a tired day, or a nitrous tank in a Fast & Furious street race, a good boost can make all the difference. Whether you and your spouse are cruising along and you just want to invest a bit more in your marriage, or your relationship is on the rocks and you’re barely hanging on, these 5 tips might be just what you need to boost your marriage.
1. Learn about each other
Don’t think that you know everything there is to know about your spouse. Keep asking each other questions and learning about each other. This article might be a helpful overview.
For example, men should learn that “women don’t think of grunting as words, therefore men, you won’t get credit for talking if you are grunting in responses to her questions. She requires sounds that can be found in a dictionary as opposed to those heard in the jungle.” (From a list by Kris Vallotton).
2. Have ‘Marriage Time’
Make time for each other away from the home and family pressures. Time to have fun together, talk, listen, and share about how you’re each doing. In different seasons of life you might have to be creative about how to make this happen each week. (e.g. after the kids are in bed one night, out for breakfast before work).
3. Pray together
Spend time praying for each other, for your marriage, your kids, jobs, friends and family. And find ways that you can spend time together with God – talking to him, waiting on him together, worshipping him together. God cares about you and he cares about your marriage!
4. Practice communicating
Are you both able to express your views and feelings? Do you both feel heard and understood? This can take practice, it doesn’t always come naturally or easily. But if you get better at communicating it will transform all areas of your marriage. Practice talking and listening in a way that is helpful and respectful, rather than destructive and damaging.
5. Don’t say: “You always” or “You never”
Avoid absolute statements about your spouse. You might find yourself thinking things like: “You always complain about money,” or, “You never help out with the kids.” Find a different way to say it. A way that is true, but with more respect and value for them. Something like: “I’m not worried about our financial situation, but I feel like you are. Can we talk about it?” or, “I would really appreciate it if you could put the kids to bed tonight.”
Which one of these could you try in your marriage? We’re praying that it will be the boost you need.